i want to hit you just to see if you cry...

i'm just those tired bones that you
have taken every last thing from.
sucked the sunlight from my eyes
and now i can't see a thing
it's alright; i've grown to be so much more
than we could have ever been
and i don't care, i swear i don't.
so tomorrow starts the day that i'll listen to all
your favorite songs and i won't feel a thing
but not quite.

so i am picking up your words
and piecing them together
the way they should have been
or how i wanted.

i just want to break you, and tear you up
so maybe you'll see that it's never quite over
and you can't forget a god damn thing
no, you don't forget.

well, maybe you're the reason i'm out on my own
and maybe you're not
maybe you tried and maybe you wanted to be
i fell in love with a kid from missouri
and i didn't even get a stupid t-shirt

so i am picking up your words
and piecing them together
the way they would have been
or the way they felt.

i just want to break you, and tear you up
so maybe you'll see that it's never quite over
and you can't forget a god damn thing
no, you don't forget.

well, maybe you're the reason i cant breathe on my own
and maybe you wanted to be.
and maybe tonight the hardest thing to do will be hanging up.

"let my love loose again."

once upon a time i had a heart.

"i can't comprehend me without you."

i opened my eyes to a new town the other day
but you weren't there to see the bridges i burned
scarred and broken down, fucking up like it's as easy as breathing
it's what you said, it's what you swore.
you think i'd forgotten by now but you shake the ground right from under me

just let me breathe and give me back my own heartbeat
i want to feel myself again.
i can't feel like you or how you want me to be
i can't feel you, i can't feel me.

i woke up in your home city today
the place you gush about and build up to be so great
but you didn't care enough to see the stars i shot down and wore for you
all for this, all to be shot down myself
you beat the air from my lungs and hold me down
well, this luck is on you now
'cause i'm so done remembering to forget you

today is based completely on my fears and the people or reasons behind them.

it's just one of those days where anxiety is bursting from the seams.

1. going through life without ever falling in love.
everyone wants to do it. and i have, trust me, i do it everyday. just not in the way we all need or want. not enough to hold on to. you've done this to me, really. you've torn apart almost every hope or good thought i've had for the past year. thank you.

2. being completely alone.
this has all been happening lately. sometimes i just block it out, but recently it's been harder to ignore because you're all such fucking assholes that i cannot rip myself away from the essential idea of people being able to act like that to someone who has done nothing.


3. not doing what i want when i'm older. this being music.
this would tear me apart more than anything ever has. it takes up all of my life and everything i do. music is the only thing i'm good at and when i get older...if it's not what i'm doing, then what the hell will i be doing?

scream to be heard, like you needed any more attention

i'm going to wear the scars like i'm proud and cry 'til my eyes hurt, 'cause things can't get much worse. you pieced together a thread of lies and now it's tied around my finger making sure i don't forget.

i'd say i hate you, too, but i can't turn out like you did.

this is where i say i've had enough

"no one should ever feel the way that i feel now"
it's true.
i didn't think this could happen.
but, sitting here all alone in a dark room
has never felt like the safest bet to me.
now i want to lay in it, listening to the sound of my breathing just to know that i'm still alive, even if my face is numb and my throat is clogged with tears i don't feel like crying. i can't tell myself that i'm better than this because sometimes i'm just not sure. a tap of the keys is the counter numbering off everything i'm worrying about right now.

maybe this screen will blind me and i won't have to see the end of this.

sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to you.

i am made entirely of mistakes and bad days.
waking up too early with nothing to keep my mind from wandering to places it shouldn't dare go.
the feeling i get in the pit of my stomach when i'm too excited for things.
the people i love, the people i look up to. the people who don't know me at all.
the songs i sing to myself so i don't feel so tired of everyone.
the people i leave behind all of the time, not wanting to have to deal with change.
the way my heart beats in time with the pound of the bass in small venues that make my whole body rattle with the music.
old friends that are gone and new friends who really don't care.
the people i have yet to meet. the ones that are filled with chances.