i want to hit you just to see if you cry...

i'm just those tired bones that you
have taken every last thing from.
sucked the sunlight from my eyes
and now i can't see a thing
it's alright; i've grown to be so much more
than we could have ever been
and i don't care, i swear i don't.
so tomorrow starts the day that i'll listen to all
your favorite songs and i won't feel a thing
but not quite.

so i am picking up your words
and piecing them together
the way they should have been
or how i wanted.

i just want to break you, and tear you up
so maybe you'll see that it's never quite over
and you can't forget a god damn thing
no, you don't forget.

well, maybe you're the reason i'm out on my own
and maybe you're not
maybe you tried and maybe you wanted to be
i fell in love with a kid from missouri
and i didn't even get a stupid t-shirt

so i am picking up your words
and piecing them together
the way they would have been
or the way they felt.

i just want to break you, and tear you up
so maybe you'll see that it's never quite over
and you can't forget a god damn thing
no, you don't forget.

well, maybe you're the reason i cant breathe on my own
and maybe you wanted to be.
and maybe tonight the hardest thing to do will be hanging up.

"let my love loose again."

once upon a time i had a heart.

"i can't comprehend me without you."

i opened my eyes to a new town the other day
but you weren't there to see the bridges i burned
scarred and broken down, fucking up like it's as easy as breathing
it's what you said, it's what you swore.
you think i'd forgotten by now but you shake the ground right from under me

just let me breathe and give me back my own heartbeat
i want to feel myself again.
i can't feel like you or how you want me to be
i can't feel you, i can't feel me.

i woke up in your home city today
the place you gush about and build up to be so great
but you didn't care enough to see the stars i shot down and wore for you
all for this, all to be shot down myself
you beat the air from my lungs and hold me down
well, this luck is on you now
'cause i'm so done remembering to forget you

today is based completely on my fears and the people or reasons behind them.

it's just one of those days where anxiety is bursting from the seams.

1. going through life without ever falling in love.
everyone wants to do it. and i have, trust me, i do it everyday. just not in the way we all need or want. not enough to hold on to. you've done this to me, really. you've torn apart almost every hope or good thought i've had for the past year. thank you.

2. being completely alone.
this has all been happening lately. sometimes i just block it out, but recently it's been harder to ignore because you're all such fucking assholes that i cannot rip myself away from the essential idea of people being able to act like that to someone who has done nothing.


3. not doing what i want when i'm older. this being music.
this would tear me apart more than anything ever has. it takes up all of my life and everything i do. music is the only thing i'm good at and when i get older...if it's not what i'm doing, then what the hell will i be doing?

scream to be heard, like you needed any more attention

i'm going to wear the scars like i'm proud and cry 'til my eyes hurt, 'cause things can't get much worse. you pieced together a thread of lies and now it's tied around my finger making sure i don't forget.

i'd say i hate you, too, but i can't turn out like you did.

this is where i say i've had enough

"no one should ever feel the way that i feel now"
it's true.
i didn't think this could happen.
but, sitting here all alone in a dark room
has never felt like the safest bet to me.
now i want to lay in it, listening to the sound of my breathing just to know that i'm still alive, even if my face is numb and my throat is clogged with tears i don't feel like crying. i can't tell myself that i'm better than this because sometimes i'm just not sure. a tap of the keys is the counter numbering off everything i'm worrying about right now.

maybe this screen will blind me and i won't have to see the end of this.

sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to you.

i am made entirely of mistakes and bad days.
waking up too early with nothing to keep my mind from wandering to places it shouldn't dare go.
the feeling i get in the pit of my stomach when i'm too excited for things.
the people i love, the people i look up to. the people who don't know me at all.
the songs i sing to myself so i don't feel so tired of everyone.
the people i leave behind all of the time, not wanting to have to deal with change.
the way my heart beats in time with the pound of the bass in small venues that make my whole body rattle with the music.
old friends that are gone and new friends who really don't care.
the people i have yet to meet. the ones that are filled with chances.

can anyone really love young

i feel like this a lot. a lot of people are just so oblivious to everything. they think making other people's lives absolutely miserable is a good way to spend their days, because it shows you have some type of control. well think again. you could be doing so much more, like meeting new people and thinking of the things you never aknowledged before. there's so much more we can do and experience in just a single day than most people even consider.

i'm just trying to live, you know. i'm trying to be happy and enthusiastic about everyday. i want to take in everything i can, while i can. so everyday i'm going to try something new, and maybe i'll find something better in myself. i just want to do what's right.

i know you can't stand my wandering hands

I could probably speak all poetically but right now it's simple what I guess I need to say. Today I was watching the I Don't Care video and hit me. Everything has changed so much. This little bit of obviousness was brought to my attention was brought out after I got finished watching it and decided to watch Grand Theft Autumn and Sugar We're Going Down. I got teary, even, becuase we've all grown so much. I can remember thinking listening to Take This To Your Grave was so hardcore and stuff. Now it's a record that means so much to me that I can't really put it to words. I hope I don't sound like some stupid fangirl right now, it just makes me a bit emotional because, blahblahblah the band made me who I am. Not in some heart touching-saved-my-life way, but in a way where if I didn't start listening to Fall Out Boy, I would've walked down a completely different path. They opened me up to so much more music and opportunities that I wouldn't have found if I hadn't started supporting them and going to shows. I wouldn't have the best friends I do now because I wouldn't have been able to start a conversation with all the common interests we have. Looking at my boys now, they've grown so much since back then that it's crazy. Some ways good, some ways bad. I feel guilty, too, because they've done so much for me with out even knowing it; opening me up to great music, letting me meet amazing people; and I don't even listen to them that frequently anymore. So thanks for everything, guys, this sounds so cheesy and I feel like a fangirl but you really have done a lot more than make great music.

i'm bringin' sassyback.

the past few days have been pretty lazy.
i've been sick; in more ways than one.
mostly physically, though. downloaded a shitload of new music.

few suggestions:
I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You-The Rocket Summer
Polaroid-Shwayze
How Will I Know (whitney cover)-Hit The Lights
Can Anyone Really Love Young-The Higher
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You-Black Kids

The Morning Light album is wonderful, you should probably pick it up. It's been crashing my ears on repeat since it came out. Lovely boys, too.

Sassyback with Cobra, FTSK, Hit The Lights, and Sing it Loud in about two weeks! Extremely excited. It's one of the best line ups I've ever seen.

so much love in you.

everything that has found it's way to my ears lately has caused headaches. "but they couldn't touch you, no." i care so much about things these days that it causes me not to care at all. i make romances with pillows. catching and storing all of my thoughts and wishes for a rainy day. i can never find that star, but you could help me. you always saw what i couldn't. we could break the pattern and think a merry little thought for once, making our way to Neverland and building our mistakes into the most misunderstood, perfect little life.

this place in my mind should be called Foreverland, 'cause we'd be young and together forever, not having to worry about growing up to disappoint ourselves for the hundreth time.

so forever, because never breaks hearts.

turn your back, 'cause you'll never understand.

i want a person made of good luck.
i want a person who's arms feel like summer.
i'd never be able to hold on to that person, because
i'm made of every mistake.
i'm full of rainy days and fingers falling to places they shouldn't.
i'm full of tears and pieces of things they all leave behind.
i'm almost worth it.
i just want to know more than i can.
things can change, i guess.
and i'm okay with that today.
i might even be okay with it tomorrow.

wait, my mind tends to lose it's way

"wait, my mind tends to lose it's way. everytime it comes around i let it slip away. i'm sorry i became this cardiac parade."

i was thinking the other day and realized
we are responsible for everyone else's wishes.
everytime we blow away a dandelion, we give more wishes a chance to grow.
maybe one day you'll wish off one i've made.
but isn't it so hard to believe in me, when i don't believe in anything?
i've got so many things to say but there aren't any ears that will listen.
while your clothes are broken in, i'm just broken.

you made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole

last night i sunk down into my blankets and turned off all the lights
then i turned on vegas skies by the cab and just layed there.

i can admit, it might have been the most comforting feelings i've ever experienced in my entire life.



i don't want to go back.
they know absolutely nothing.
i can't even relate to them. they're awful.
none of them are really worth it, and i don't know how i'm going to keep myself sane this time around. i could hardly do it last time.

11:11

http://www.little-thoughts.co.uk/thought16132

this is almost true.
i'm not sure, though, for this time.
i feel like i'm missing someone who never went away
or was never there at all , even.

but i'm going to smile, 'cause i know that's the best thing to do.